You might have to read a few manuals to learn how to use a Stoetling Polygraph. We are not looking at a cheap, novelty lie detector. This is a scientific instrument, a polygraph and when used correctly, it will indicate when a person is being less than truthful. Retail price for a new polygraph is typically around $2,000+, and they can be hard to find.

There are all sorts of cool applications for these things, if you are planning to learn how to beat the polygraph, just remember the great words of wisdom from George Costanza. “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” There many kinds of home use applications that one can imagine for your own lie detector. By far the coolest scenario would be something like that scene in the “Seinfeld” episode, “The Beard.”

Lou: What is your name?
Jerry: Jerry Seinfeld.
Lou: What is your address?
Jerry: 129 West 81st street.
Lou: Did Kimberly steal Jo’s baby?
Jerry: I don’t know.
Camera shot on the polygraph. The pen moves back and forth on the paper.
Lou: Did Billy sleep with Allison’s best friend?
Jerry: I don’t know.
Camera shot on the polygraph. The pen moves back and forth on the paper. Lou and Sergeant Tierney look at each other.
Lou: Did Jane’s finance kidnap Sydney and take her to Las Vegas? And if so, did she enjoy it?
Jerry: I don’t know.
Lou: Did Jane sleep with Michael again?
Jerry: (He hesitates) Yes! That stupid idiot. He left her for Kimberly, he slept with her sister. He tricked her into giving him half her business, and then she goes ahead and sleeps with him again. I mean she’s crazy. How could she do something like that? Oh that Jane, she makes me so mad.

Get your friends hooked up to the thing and quiz them about embarrassing topics, nothing can be better than that. Oh, if I only had a lazy $500, this polygraph doohickey would be mine, all mine.

The price, at this moment, is $330.66. It looks like a fairly weak bid and there are still four days to go.  In case you miss out, or if you are interested in a digital model, there will be a follow up feature on a newer model that can be connected to your PC via USB.

Source: eBay, Seinfeldscripts

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