When it comes to buying strange stuff online most people think of eBay, but since Amazon is the world’s largest online store and retailers all want a piece of the action, it too has some fine rare junk stuff sitting in the corner of warehouses.
The list below is just a small collection of some of the strange stuff you can find at Amazon. What makes the majority of these items extra special is the priceless reviews that people have submitted. A small sample of these reviews are included for your reading pleasure with even more on the product pages. My question to you is this. Do you think you can write a funnier review for these products? Enter our write a fake funny review contest to win a $100 Amazon gift certificate. Contest details are at the bottom of the page.
Relaxman Relaxation Capsule
I ordered one of these assuming, obviously, that in the vein of similarly named “-man” products, portability would be its chief component. Walkman, Discman, etc, all distinguish themselves from other identical products by the fact that they are portable and can be carried and used anywhere. I felt some suspicion when the crate arrived in a semi truck and required two men and a hydraulic liftgate to unload it on the patio next to my Fuller dome. Sure enough, when I finished bagging up the last of the 20 cubic yards of foam packing peanuts and took the time to closely examine the machine it was clear it would not easily clip to my belt or swing suspended around my neck by a lanyard. What a disappointment! I’m often struck by the urge for complete relaxation when traveling, commuting to work, or competing in the Extreme Fighting championship. Now that sweet escape from the brutal trials of life will have to wait until I’ve landed my autogyro in the backyard and hunkered down in this oversized coffin: the deceptively named “Relaxman”.
Uranium Ore
My son wanted Play Doh for his birthday but unfortunately Toys ‘R’ Us was sold out of it. I figured this would be the next best thing. He absolutely LOVES it and told me he wishes he had a third hand because its so much fun! I told him maybe his kids would have better luck. A dozen more cans are on their way! Thanks Amazon.com!
Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank
I’ll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I’ve purchased overpriced, so-called “battle tanks”, then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter.
But not this baby, no way.
This tank R-O-C-K-S! Literally- the 400-watt sound-system keeps me rockin like a crazy man as I’m dishing out justice commando style. Wow. I just can’t say enough. And the kids love it, too- imagine the look of terror in the eyes of the enemy as I’m dropping off my kid’s team to their soccer game. Shock and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!
I had NAO install the optional GPS-guided white phosphorus missile system, and talk about *SWEET*! Burn baby burn!!!
Oh, it also has plenty of room for groceries, and if you need to like move a loveseat or something it’ll fit if you use a little bungee cord.
The only real negative with this tank is that it shows up on radar a little more than I like (although there is a polyresin graphite stealth model available). Also, the included spare isn’t full size.
Overall, a great tank.
Dagobert Wooden Toilet Throne
I was about to buy a gold plated toilet before I saw this. Now that the good old gold toilet is inferior I did not want my bottom to have an inferiority complex. Now My bottom and I are complete and I feel satisfied going to the bathroom knowing that It will take me over a lifetime to pay of the debt from buying this.
8 x 10 Tiki Hut
Everyone knows the best place to buy Tiki Huts is online just like the old days.
Price:$13,995
Full-Arm03L FIE Scoring Machine
Brave Potato says:
“For the millions of fencers world-wide wondering where to get one of these…right here!”
21′ Preferred (All Aluminum) Bleachers (10 Rows)
I first saw these at a stunt bike competition I was competing in (and winning, mind you). They are handsome bleachers and the cheering fans seemed to be quite comfortable while cheering for my stunt bike winning.
2003 US 5 Cents
A nickel for $4.55 seems a bit excessive, don’t you think? Pretty sure I can get this for something like 9100% less elsewhere.
But I want to emphasize that this is a great product. I own several nickels myself, and find that they constantly come in handy.
SPECIAL ORDER DEPT. 30 MISC.
This product filled my needs precisely! Dept. 30 in my warehouse was lacking supplies, and this special order filled in all the misc. gaps on my shelves. Now my Dept. 30 is running in top form again. It’s the best 272 million I ever spent!
Auto Parts Store
Seth Eliot says:
“looking to become the auto parts baron of Sterling CO, then this is your item!”
Bhutan Visual Odyssey Himalayan Kingdom
I debated about buying this book since it is for a good cause and you might get a visit from the Guinness Records folks for owning this fantastically large beautiful book. Maybe even the people at Ripley’s would put you and the book on TV. It was a hard decision but I ended up giving the book four out of five stars because it would absolutely crush my kitties if it fell on them. I am afraid although it has many pros going for it, the pet smashing beyond recognition con has to be weighed in, and egad this 5×7 book weighs a whopping 133 pounds. The other con is the expensive book bag for it has to be hauled in a small trailer behind your vehicle if you want to take it anywhere. I also had to consider that it is bigger than my coffee table, in fact with four legs it could be my new coffee table, I suppose that may be a pro but I typically don’t spend $15,000 on a coffee table. It would not make light bathroom reading either. In fact you would have trouble getting into my bathroom with it. After much fascinating reading of the excellent reviews here I must pass on this book that could be the monolith in “2020: The Year We Run Out of Paper”, the movie sequel to “2010: The Year We Make Contact”.
Comprehensive Data Base of Us Chemical Patents-Tapes [MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION]
I think I goofed big time. I got this subscription after my 1 year of Popular Science expired. I thought I’d get cool science articles without all those annoying drop-out cards. Well, I haven’t even been able to read any of my issues of Comprehensive Data Base Of US Chemical Patents. This is NOT a magazine like Amazon says. Each month’s “issue” appears to be some kind of tape. I don’t even know what to do with them. I tried to listen to one in my car stereo, but the tape doesn’t even fit my standard cassette player. I haven’t enjoyed a single issue and already I’m getting bombarded with renewal offers. No thanks!
30 HP NorTrac Bulldozer and Backhoe
Got an annoying neighbor? Well this will sweep that jerk right off the block. Yep use it for almost any job around the house; Clean the kids rooms, rotatile the garden and of course start it up at 2:00 am just to remind the hood you own one!
Five-Pound Fat Replica Demonstration Model
I’ve been searching for a good body fat replica for years. You think it would be easy, right? But it’s not. Some are not nearly pliant enough. Some look too fake. I even found one that was actually greasy and just not good for my body fat demonstrations.
But that’s not the case this time! This is the best five pound body fat replica on the market. If you show this baby to someone carrying an extra forty pounds, they are sure to take notice. Show it to your kids and they will suddenly want to go out side and play. It might be the premier body part replica on the market–even better than dirty lungs, clogged arteries, or decaying teeth!
Bonus points for the realistic blood vessels!
Thawzall Double Boiler
I gotta hand it to my gal. I asked her should I get the black tahitian pearl earrings for $82,000 (available here) or this here double boiler and guess what she said? The double boiler. I’ll admit, I did just get her the $225,000 Cartier watch (also available here by the fine folks at Amazon), so maybe I’m due.
But this thing is just way too small. I found that the projects I was into (since I use a double boiler on a daily basis) were just putting this thing to the limit and then some. And, for the cost, it should have at least 28,000 square feet of capacity. Guess the folks here at Amazon simply don’t know how to assess the costs of these things, and serves me right for ordering such a thing through them. I’ll admit, I did feel kinda funny placing such an item in “my shopping cart.”
Well, you’ve been warned. Buy it at your own risk.
Apollo 17 Astronaut Space Suit Replica
Well I must say I was surprised. I ordered this suit expecting a fake and cheap ripoff copy. It took a little longer than expected but Fedex does not deliver on Saturdays to Mars. I opened the suit and put it on and promptly discovered my error.
You see I wanted this suit to go riding Sandworms in the Supine Deserts of Barsaoom. I forgot that the suit had no real air pack and the helment was not aerospace plexi. After my first sandworm dumped me I had to walk all the way back to the Emerald City. No clicking my ruby slippers here (and ruby slippers are what you really need to set this suit off!!!) The jetpack was a mockup.
I think for more than $8000.00 (c1000.00) that the jetpack should have worked. I got a blister!
Elk Carcass
Couldn’t help but notice that the product weight is 225 pounds and the shipping weight is 180 pounds. Where does the other 45 pounds go during shipment does the delivery guy snack on it along the way? I’m just really confused on this one. Other than that, I’ve had elk and it taste just like … well elk.
Cartier Ladies Tank Francaise WL4081KF Watch
I have a far better deal for you. For $200,000.00 I’ll personally follow you around and tell you the time whenever you ask. I’m very accurate and never need winding. Put me on your yacht, take me skiing, or place me in your villa in the South of Spain. You’ll never even know I’m there.
For an additional $75,000 I also do temperature and humidity.
Contest Details:
Submit a fake funny review for one of the products featured on the list in the comment form below. The UberReview Editors will pick the funniest review and contact you via email if you are the winner. The prize is a $100 Amazon gift certificate.
Rules:
- Keep the fake reviews clean.
- Use a real email so we can contact you if you win
- Only one entry per person
- Contest ends Dec 16th.
Update: Contest is closed. Congratulations to Scott and Jonathyn who are both winners and end up with $50 each for their efforts. Thanks to everyone who entered.
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