Strange Stuff You Can Buy From Amazon That You Probably Didn’t Know About

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When it comes to buying strange stuff online most people think of eBay, but since Amazon is the world’s largest online store and retailers all want a piece of the action, it too has some fine rare junk stuff sitting in the corner of warehouses.

The list below is just a small collection of some of the strange stuff you can find at Amazon. What makes the majority of these items extra special is the priceless reviews that people have submitted. A small sample of these reviews are included for your reading pleasure with even more on the product pages. My question to you is this. Do you think you can write a funnier review for these products? Enter our write a fake funny review contest to win a $100 Amazon gift certificate. Contest details are at the bottom of the page.

Relaxman Relaxation Capsule

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I ordered one of these assuming, obviously, that in the vein of similarly named “-man” products, portability would be its chief component. Walkman, Discman, etc, all distinguish themselves from other identical products by the fact that they are portable and can be carried and used anywhere. I felt some suspicion when the crate arrived in a semi truck and required two men and a hydraulic liftgate to unload it on the patio next to my Fuller dome. Sure enough, when I finished bagging up the last of the 20 cubic yards of foam packing peanuts and took the time to closely examine the machine it was clear it would not easily clip to my belt or swing suspended around my neck by a lanyard. What a disappointment! I’m often struck by the urge for complete relaxation when traveling, commuting to work, or competing in the Extreme Fighting championship. Now that sweet escape from the brutal trials of life will have to wait until I’ve landed my autogyro in the backyard and hunkered down in this oversized coffin: the deceptively named “Relaxman”.

Price:$39,000

Uranium Ore

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My son wanted Play Doh for his birthday but unfortunately Toys ‘R’ Us was sold out of it. I figured this would be the next best thing. He absolutely LOVES it and told me he wishes he had a third hand because its so much fun! I told him maybe his kids would have better luck. A dozen more cans are on their way! Thanks Amazon.com!

Price: $22.95

Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

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I’ll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I’ve purchased overpriced, so-called “battle tanks”, then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter.

But not this baby, no way.

This tank R-O-C-K-S! Literally- the 400-watt sound-system keeps me rockin like a crazy man as I’m dishing out justice commando style. Wow. I just can’t say enough. And the kids love it, too- imagine the look of terror in the eyes of the enemy as I’m dropping off my kid’s team to their soccer game. Shock and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!

I had NAO install the optional GPS-guided white phosphorus missile system, and talk about *SWEET*! Burn baby burn!!!

Oh, it also has plenty of room for groceries, and if you need to like move a loveseat or something it’ll fit if you use a little bungee cord.

The only real negative with this tank is that it shows up on radar a little more than I like (although there is a polyresin graphite stealth model available). Also, the included spare isn’t full size.

Overall, a great tank.

Price: $20,000

Dagobert Wooden Toilet Throne

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I was about to buy a gold plated toilet before I saw this. Now that the good old gold toilet is inferior I did not want my bottom to have an inferiority complex. Now My bottom and I are complete and I feel satisfied going to the bathroom knowing that It will take me over a lifetime to pay of the debt from buying this.

Price: $12,000

8 x 10 Tiki Hut

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Everyone knows the best place to buy Tiki Huts is online just like the old days.
Price:$13,995

Full-Arm03L FIE Scoring Machine

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Brave Potato says:
“For the millions of fencers world-wide wondering where to get one of these…right here!”

Price: $775

21′ Preferred (All Aluminum) Bleachers (10 Rows)

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I first saw these at a stunt bike competition I was competing in (and winning, mind you). They are handsome bleachers and the cheering fans seemed to be quite comfortable while cheering for my stunt bike winning.

Price: $12,569.21

2003 US 5 Cents

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A nickel for $4.55 seems a bit excessive, don’t you think? Pretty sure I can get this for something like 9100% less elsewhere.

But I want to emphasize that this is a great product. I own several nickels myself, and find that they constantly come in handy.

Price: $4.55

SPECIAL ORDER DEPT. 30 MISC.

This product filled my needs precisely! Dept. 30 in my warehouse was lacking supplies, and this special order filled in all the misc. gaps on my shelves. Now my Dept. 30 is running in top form again. It’s the best 272 million I ever spent!

Price: $272 Million

Auto Parts Store

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Seth Eliot says:
“looking to become the auto parts baron of Sterling CO, then this is your item!”

Price: not available

Bhutan Visual Odyssey Himalayan Kingdom

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I debated about buying this book since it is for a good cause and you might get a visit from the Guinness Records folks for owning this fantastically large beautiful book. Maybe even the people at Ripley’s would put you and the book on TV. It was a hard decision but I ended up giving the book four out of five stars because it would absolutely crush my kitties if it fell on them. I am afraid although it has many pros going for it, the pet smashing beyond recognition con has to be weighed in, and egad this 5×7 book weighs a whopping 133 pounds. The other con is the expensive book bag for it has to be hauled in a small trailer behind your vehicle if you want to take it anywhere. I also had to consider that it is bigger than my coffee table, in fact with four legs it could be my new coffee table, I suppose that may be a pro but I typically don’t spend $15,000 on a coffee table. It would not make light bathroom reading either. In fact you would have trouble getting into my bathroom with it. After much fascinating reading of the excellent reviews here I must pass on this book that could be the monolith in “2020: The Year We Run Out of Paper”, the movie sequel to “2010: The Year We Make Contact”.

Price:$15,000

Comprehensive Data Base of Us Chemical Patents-Tapes [MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION]

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I think I goofed big time. I got this subscription after my 1 year of Popular Science expired. I thought I’d get cool science articles without all those annoying drop-out cards. Well, I haven’t even been able to read any of my issues of Comprehensive Data Base Of US Chemical Patents. This is NOT a magazine like Amazon says. Each month’s “issue” appears to be some kind of tape. I don’t even know what to do with them. I tried to listen to one in my car stereo, but the tape doesn’t even fit my standard cassette player. I haven’t enjoyed a single issue and already I’m getting bombarded with renewal offers. No thanks!

Price: $71,772

30 HP NorTrac Bulldozer and Backhoe

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Got an annoying neighbor? Well this will sweep that jerk right off the block. Yep use it for almost any job around the house; Clean the kids rooms, rotatile the garden and of course start it up at 2:00 am just to remind the hood you own one!

Price:$21,799.99

Five-Pound Fat Replica Demonstration Model

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I’ve been searching for a good body fat replica for years. You think it would be easy, right? But it’s not. Some are not nearly pliant enough. Some look too fake. I even found one that was actually greasy and just not good for my body fat demonstrations.

But that’s not the case this time! This is the best five pound body fat replica on the market. If you show this baby to someone carrying an extra forty pounds, they are sure to take notice. Show it to your kids and they will suddenly want to go out side and play. It might be the premier body part replica on the market–even better than dirty lungs, clogged arteries, or decaying teeth!

Bonus points for the realistic blood vessels!

Price:$95

Thawzall Double Boiler

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I gotta hand it to my gal. I asked her should I get the black tahitian pearl earrings for $82,000 (available here) or this here double boiler and guess what she said? The double boiler. I’ll admit, I did just get her the $225,000 Cartier watch (also available here by the fine folks at Amazon), so maybe I’m due.

But this thing is just way too small. I found that the projects I was into (since I use a double boiler on a daily basis) were just putting this thing to the limit and then some. And, for the cost, it should have at least 28,000 square feet of capacity. Guess the folks here at Amazon simply don’t know how to assess the costs of these things, and serves me right for ordering such a thing through them. I’ll admit, I did feel kinda funny placing such an item in “my shopping cart.”

Well, you’ve been warned. Buy it at your own risk.

Price: $87,175

Apollo 17 Astronaut Space Suit Replica

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Well I must say I was surprised. I ordered this suit expecting a fake and cheap ripoff copy. It took a little longer than expected but Fedex does not deliver on Saturdays to Mars. I opened the suit and put it on and promptly discovered my error.

You see I wanted this suit to go riding Sandworms in the Supine Deserts of Barsaoom. I forgot that the suit had no real air pack and the helment was not aerospace plexi. After my first sandworm dumped me I had to walk all the way back to the Emerald City. No clicking my ruby slippers here (and ruby slippers are what you really need to set this suit off!!!) The jetpack was a mockup.
I think for more than $8000.00 (c1000.00) that the jetpack should have worked. I got a blister!

Price: no longer available

Elk Carcass

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Couldn’t help but notice that the product weight is 225 pounds and the shipping weight is 180 pounds. Where does the other 45 pounds go during shipment does the delivery guy snack on it along the way? I’m just really confused on this one. Other than that, I’ve had elk and it taste just like … well elk.

Price: $1255

Cartier Ladies Tank Francaise WL4081KF Watch

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I have a far better deal for you. For $200,000.00 I’ll personally follow you around and tell you the time whenever you ask. I’m very accurate and never need winding. Put me on your yacht, take me skiing, or place me in your villa in the South of Spain. You’ll never even know I’m there.

For an additional $75,000 I also do temperature and humidity.

Price: was $225,000

Contest Details:

Submit a fake funny review for one of the products featured on the list in the comment form below. The UberReview Editors will pick the funniest review and contact you via email if you are the winner. The prize is a $100 Amazon gift certificate.

Rules:

  • Keep the fake reviews clean.
  • Use a real email so we can contact you if you win
  • Only one entry per person
  • Contest ends Dec 16th.

Update: Contest is closed. Congratulations to Scott and Jonathyn who are both winners and end up with $50 each for their efforts. Thanks to everyone who entered.

 

About the author: Vince Smith

 

Website: http://www.uberreview.com

 

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  • Scott

    well, i was watching spider-man 3 last night when the sudden realization hit me, I CAN BE SOMETHING MORE. Since I was a mature adult, i knew full well that there were no such thing as “green goblins” or “sand men”, so i knew that i would be the greatest evil villan ever to walk the earth… if i just purchased the sample vial of depleted uranium. Ever since they sent me the first vial, my life has never been the same! I constantly battle against white-clad men, its become such an every day task, i do it with my hands tied behind my back! Thanks depleted uramium guys!

  • Sean

    wow! these explanations were so witty! gee-golly-whizz, how could a relaxman not clip to my belt! wow, this article is loleriffic! hmmm, i was wondering about that!!!!

  • Joe

    A few months ago I had won the lottery. It wasn’t much, only 10 million. So I decided I would retire to a world of relaxation. But over a few weeks I began to get board. To curve my boredom I decided I was going to buy a boat. So I did much research and found it was hard work and cost lots of money to keep them running. But one day I stumbled across a beautiful painting of a boat and decided I would buy it. Well I can say I”m the happiest I have been in years; I love staring at it all day and pretended that its mine and I can use it, but I can”t unfortunately because it”s just a painting. Well thanks Amazon for helping me curve my boredom, decorate my home, and make me the happiest man in the world!!!

  • Damon

    This Uranium 238 makes some of the best home made fireworks around!

  • Andrew

    I Finally Got It!!1! The final piece of the Da Vinci code via the Cartier Ladies Tank Francaise WL4081KF Watch. To the undiscerning eye this is your average run-of-the-mill quarter-mil diamond encrusted watch, but to the trained observer, this is infact the final missing piece of the Knights Templar treasures. Very few will notice that the Knights took a liberty with the Roman Numerical system by changing the IV (4), to IIII on the watch dial, therefore being exactly the next integer above the value of PI, thusly solving the last Da Vinci code. The Knight’s Templar figured only a true believer would be able to look past the vanity of a $225K watch, and notice the true value of this timepiece. However, I didn’t buy this watch from Amazon, I bought it off the streets in NYC from a “hobo” that I could tell was really just a member of the church’s secret society in disguise.

  • Sean Mantooth

    Check out this tank!It is actually from the set of Star Wars props but they decided not to use it. Oh, this product comes with Jar Jar Binks, you can get rid of him if you want.

  • Chase

    I was very pleased to find that Amazon.com sells elk carcasses. You just can’t find a good elk carcass anymore. Used to be you could go out for a stroll in the woods, and lo, elk carcasses everywhere. As many as you could carry back to the lodge. Nowadays, you’re lucky if you can find one elk carcass in a week. And don’t even try looking for them in the supermarket, PETA had the elk carcass section shut down for good. Damn tree huggers. It’s a good thing we have sites like Amazon, this is why I got onto the World Wide Web in the first place. Thanks Amazon – I’ll be back again.

  • Spencer

    The wife and I had our 25th anniversary coming up and I wanted to get her something really special to celebrate. After searching Amazon for hours I finally found what I was looking for – this beautiful piece of currency.

    These babies are worth every cent. They’re lustrous, they’re clean, and they’re accepted just about anywhere. We also bought the special nickel display case (available at 50% off for a limited time). Now we can see this nickel whenever we want!

    You may be thinking that you should go with the 2004 model, but trust me – splurge and go with this. My wife loves it, and so will you!

  • Shawn R

    Don’t ever try to buy this auto parts store!!! I bought two months ago – seller won’t deliver, won’t refund! VERY DISSAPOINTED.

  • james

    i would buy the nickle anytime, its the shipping and handleing that kills you

  • Scott

    i kinda got ti-yad of how bad my sister’s old boi-la wus. down he-yah in the swAWPS we dont use TNT for ar fishin needs, yall get tha’ water bo-lin and them critters float quicker than tha young-uns at a moonshine tastin’. next time though, ima gonna get a a-yuh boat ta put in on. this-un works pretty nice thaw, fed the boys las’ sataday at the crawfish boll’ and its all clened out an redy fa next ti-yum
    regards,
    Boot shuh

  • http://jonathyn.com Jonathyn

    (I misread the directions of the contest and actually submitted this on Amazon..)

    3.0 out of 5 stars
    I’ve had better elk carcass.. but not many
    By: Jonathyn R. Brown “jonathyn” (Hollywood, CA)

    Despite the alluring photo, I was hesitant to lay out the cash for this carcass. I must admit, I was also put off a bit by the term “carcass” to describe it. I would have gone with a more palatable description (“Shank” and Roast” come to mind).

    Ultimately, I was not let down.

    I’ve enjoyed elk carcass in the past, and can say it’s in my top five carcass-related treats (still compiling my list). Bison, Alpaca and a well tenderized koala also rank high, but this particular elk carcass had the spicy sweetness that says “good carcass”.

    Prepared with my family’s handed down rub of saffron, cumin, Lowry’s Seasoning Salt, the cheese powder from one box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, and just a hint of cider vinegar (you heard me), one slice of this goodness on a plate is true carcass heaven. I invited all my friends over and we feasted on this delicious carcass until they all asked me what it was. Of course, I said it was beef, but my friend Bosco (not his real name) had to open his big mouth and start in with his “beef isn’t this vinegary, this is more like elk” tirade, so a lot of my guests became uncomfortable. It wasn’t until I pulled out the secret ingredient (the oranges that came with the carcass) that they all suddenly realized that carcass heaven was not a mythical place, but a very real, very wonderful utopia of elken goodness. A few of my less saavy guests even tried to eat the string that held the carcass together.

    Bosco turned up missing the next day, and this event has nothing to do with that at all.

    Overall, it was a darn good carcass. I would have given it four stars, but it’s hard to gauge how much better it would have been had I actually cooked it before serving.

  • http://www.jonathyn.com Jonathyn

    Fake Fat:
    5 out of 5 stars
    Even better than the real thing?

    The biggest problem I had in my traveling discussion series “Fat, not with a P.H.” was the transportation of the fat itself. It was very difficult to keep fresh, and would begin to dissipate over time, leaving me with Tupperware containers that looked more like orange sherbet that had been left out to melt.

    My speeches are meant to uplift and enlighten, and I found more and more people either being put off by the smell (I can’t even begin to describe it, but imagine if your colon was trying to win a “who can go the longest without showering” contest), or simply mesmerized by the sheer sight of the clumps of fat sitting on the podium, literally sliding away under the spotlights like a pat of butter on a hot griddle.

    Using fat in demonstrations is unhealthy and rather offensive, I’ve come to find out. And when someone told me about these replicas, I was simply amazed. First off, they look like the real thing, if memory serves. All I have now is an orange stain on my passenger seat to go by (note to all, crack a window on those hot days if you’re going shopping and leaving your demo fat in the car). Secondly, although they offer no value on those long “no time to turn off to get a bite” trips, the end result is a firm, and much easier to handle sample (which has helped tremendously during the “hot fat potato” portion of my seminar where the group gathers in a circle and tosses the fat from person to person).

    One down point is the color. It is very appetizing, and a few of my more zoftig followers have asked if it was an actual food product. (luckily, I keep the “sherbet” close at hand for those moments.)

    This is the only product I recommend. I was let down considerably when I was ready to begin my seminars on childhood obesity, and ordered a catalog from a company called “Baby Phat.” Trust me, they do not offer the selection that this company provides. From now on, this is my one-stop shop for all my fake fat needs.

    Overall, if you’re in the market for fake fat, go with this product. And if I may suggest a more marketable name..

    “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Fat!”

  • http://www.jonathyn.com Jonathyn

    Nickel from 2003
    Availability: Currently unavailable

    1 out of 5 stars
    I’m not falling for this again..

    I purchased what was promised as a “2002 dime” from this seller last year, and I should have known better then.

    A warning to you all.

    No picture means NO PRODUCT.

    After shelling out $2.77 PLUS $8 for shipping (!), I was told that the item was no longer available. Did I get my money back? NO.

    A word to the wise, if someone is offering you a nickel from 2003 (as if they even MADE them that year), ask to see a photo first.

    What makes this even more tragic is that this is the exact piece I need to complete my collection of coins. I currently have a penny:2004, a dime:1998 (awesome!), and a quarter:2006. This nickel would complete my collection, but alas, it does not exist.

    This may be the same jerk who told me that he had a DOLLAR coin for sale too. AS IF..! Like they’re going to make a dollar coin. They already have those, moron, they’re called DOLLAR BILLS. I was about to give him the 47 cents he wanted for it until, ONCE AGAIN, no photo..

    My search continues for a nickel. I don’t even care about the year anymore. People like this just ruin it for us serious collectors.

  • http://www.jonathyn.com Jonathyn

    Bhutan: A Visual Odyssey Across the Last Himalayan Kingdom
    Offered by Friendly Planet
    Price: $15,000.00

    5 out of 5 stars Great book with two major flaws.

    I purchased a couple copies of this book as gifts last year, and I have to say I was let down both times..

    The first copy was a gift for my mom who lives in Rhode Island. They would not deliver there, claiming that the book “wouldn’t fit”.

    The second issue was with the other book, a gift for my niece in Texas. She was so excited about the book, she put it on the floor, frantically opened to a random page, and, not realizing it was a pop-up book, was impaled on a Himalayan peak and now has a detached retina.

    “Friendly Planet” my ass.

  • Scott (im gonna pwn you jonathyn)

    my whole high school life, i had wanted to play football. The thought of thousands of fans and the hopes of our team riding on my back was invigorating. So i started shopping around for a way to re-live the glory of high school; and i found it. These aluminum bleachers made me feel like i had opted for tackle football, when i reality, i went to state in alternative dance. The only problem i had was that when i bought them, they were 5 foot bleacher sections, and now i come to find, as they sit here against my apartment wall… they started to include to surplus in later orders. But now, with the renovations i made to my flat, i can experience the joy and, as i jokingly told me girlfriend before we broke up, “sleep under the benches”. Her loss. I now have a 12 thousand dollar investment and the excitement of watching the game. This wonderful purchase has made me consider taking the windows out next, really get into the experience!

  • scott

    hey! thats not fair! you JUST added the one entry per person rule! otherwise i would have only put one on! booo!
    just pick the best one, sheesh

  • http://www.jonathyn.com Jonathyn

    Yeah.. Was that one entry per item, or total?

    Why do I feel like I’m going to be disqualified?

    Oh, how the holidays have taken a nasty turn..

  • http://www.uberreview.com Vic DaSilva

    @ Jonathyn and Scott
    Your not disqualified. The one entry rule was something I forgot to add when I wrote up the contest. Since both of you added more than one before the new rule went into place all your entries count. Does that seem fair?

  • http://www.jonathyn.com Jonathyn

    It seeeeeeems fair..

    (Rubs his chin and raises an eyebrow for no good reason)

    Thanks for the update, and best of luck to me.

  • BT

    Review of Wooden Toilet Throne

    After I bought and used this beauty (financed by selling shares from a company called ToiletteBowl dot com), I made the most amazing discovery in the history of science. Now I know the secret to wealth and success (many would kill me for this!) Why did kings and emperors always have thrones? Why were they fed by beautiful maidens while on the hot seat (literally hot!)? Because the thrones were only in disguise – they were toilets actually. And the secret was to eat while emptying your bowels. I found that out only when I tried it. Next day, I won the national lottery called toi-lotto! Thanks for this great bargain!

  • Scott

    Mr. Editor doode, its hard to find nice people nowadays, and i have to rank you as one of them. lol

    yeah, jonathyn needs luck…. i just rely on skill
    *swings hips and arms in opposite directions*
    pwned

  • Goober

    So I bought the Dagobert Wooden Toilet Throne, because I thought “Hey, if it’s good enough for Yoda…”, but now I know why he was bald. Like after all you can eat night, down at The Chili Hut, the last thing you want to do is be gettin’ anywhere near a “throne” with a lit flame on it. Woah! Won’t go into details, but needless to say, The “Force” was strong with this one. Been six months, and I’m still waitin’ for my eyebrows to grow back. The candle, bad idea, nuff said. Would’a sent the durn thing back, but we still ain’t found all the pieces.

  • Robbert Frost

    About this NorTrac BackHoe. Now normally I’m not into that kind of thing, but when she’s warmed up, this hot little number is ready to take on anything from behind. Once you start with the hole, she’s grunting and grinding, you know, really going at it. In the yard, in the park, she’s ready to go, anywhere, anytime. Now she’s expensive, and a little heavy set, but I’d say she’s worth every penny.

  • http://progressiveedwardian.wordpress.com/ Edwardian, Progressively So.

    I just read about these reviews. Like a little secret club, isn’t it.

 

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