Maybe I am just jaded and twisted as I head towards middle age at the speed of a bullet train, but I think that these ThinkGeek 8-Bit Dynamic Life Shirts are sad. They are not cute, they are not funny, and they are unlikely to put a smile on my face and will certainly not brighten up my day. The only people that are going to wear these are overly affectionate young couples in the most sickening stages of puppy love, or those that are so revoltingly desperate that they wish to advertise their loneliness by means of a glowing shirt.

As you draw near your special someone, the life meter lights up. You can get up to six lives. The battery is good for three hours, if you can go that long without taking a big time monster beating. Go on get your matching set for Valentine’s Day. It is kind of romantic in an ultra-nerdy way. You can rub all of your single friends faces in how wonderful your new relationship is and wonder why your weekends suddenly involve watching old romantic comedies starring Hugh Grant.

$25 for the shirt, $12 for the transmitter from Think Geek.

Oh Gizmo!