Russia to Build Terrorist-proof, Zombie-resistant Public Toilets

Moscow’s latest terrorist attack was perpetrated by a 20-something-year-old man. He strapped himself with explosives, walked into Moscow’s busiest airport and blew himself into little pieces – taking 37 people with him. Serious stuff, and it was just one bombing in a long line of attacks in the Russian capital.

What did they do about it? Well, it can be presumed that they maintained their campaign on the Chechnya and took their frustrations out on a few separatists – but Russia is not stopping there. They are building terrorist-proof public lavatories just to be safe. The outer walls of the new lavatories will be built from ultra-strong fibrous concrete; the interior fittings will be steel and reinforced plastic – and if you spend to long inside (more than 30 minutes) an alarm sounds and the door opens automatically (admittedly that could be bad if you have holed up for protection from a brain-hungry zombie horde).

The toilets will be unisex and the temperature inside will never drop below 16-C. I’m not quite sure what the whole suicide bomber – public toilet link is, but I am guessing that they probably use public toilets to prepare their attacks and that getting setup takes more than thirty minutes. Or perhaps they have figured out some way of remotely detonating them while they are safely inside.

What I want to know is how, with all of the trillions that have been spent on the war on terror, did we not end up with a terrorist-proof toilet of our own. [The Age]


About the author: C. S. Magor


C.S. Magor is the editor-in-chief and reporter at large for Uberreview and We Interrupt. He currently resides in a sleepy basin town in the Japanese countryside - where both his bank balance and the lack of space in his home are testament to his addiction to all things shiny.

Follow @csmagor on Twitter



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  • Danimal

    And how exactly is this Zombie resistant? I think it’s time “journalist” stop their fear mongering headlines just to get their articles read.


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