You’ve gone to Staples with your own money and bought all the pens, paperclips, and Post-It notes you’ll ever need. And after taking a few hours off to get your teeth cleaned, you come back in to notice that half of your office booty has been snatched. How can you avoid this cubicle theivery? QUIT! Or, you can get yourself the new Portal 2 Sentry Turret USB Desk Defender. This motion-detecting turret will scare the B’Jesus out of intruders and officemates alike, whenever it detects a stapler snatcher approaching, yelling phrases such as “Target Aquired!” and ”I See You!” The device is 7.5 inches tall and doesn’t require any complicated installation. And if someone knocks it down in error, the thing vibrates and goes nuts! Perfect for reducing in-office douchery….until somebody steals it. Get yourself one here, Price: $39 .